If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
