i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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