The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
