the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
