It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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