Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
