I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
