Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
