I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
