we're chasing vodka with high fives
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
