I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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