i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
