So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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