Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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