she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
