Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
