If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
