we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
