When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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