He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
