I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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