Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize