I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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