If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
