Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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