I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
