Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize