i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize