You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
