Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
