eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
