so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
