booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
