i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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