dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize