She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
