lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
