I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
