how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
