He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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