Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
