i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize