I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
