I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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