DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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