She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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