I have demons in me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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