I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
