she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize