the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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