saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
