I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
