How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
