i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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