I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
