i just had sex bonerless
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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