How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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