she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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