we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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