My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
