As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
