I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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