help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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