Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
