I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize