My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
