i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The best revenge is premature balding
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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