Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize